Vampires Suck
Direction: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Story: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Cast: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi, Ken Jeong, Anneliese van der Pol
Music: Christopher Lennertz
Synopsis: Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. She is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) whom she wants to befriend but he warns her against it. Edward later explains her saying he’s a vampire, though he only consumes animal blood. The pair fall in love and Edward introduces Becca to his vampire family. Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward’s family to relapse by her blood’s scent and attempt to kill her.
Edward ends the relationship fearing for her life but saving her from one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber). Becca becomes heartbroken and depressed for months. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Chris Riggi). Through some miss communication Edward believes Becca has killed herself and attempts to provoke the “Zolturi” — a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him — by exposing himself in the sunlight at the site of the school prom.
Review: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer return with another of their parodies Vampires Suck. After making the world laugh with Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartan, Disaster Movie it is time they take a dig at Twilight. They have condensed Twilight New Moon and Eclipse into a non-stop assault on teen angst, sexy bodies and gloomy settings. As like all their movies of the past Jason and Aaron patronize over acting which remains constant throughout the movie!
The biggest thing which works for the movie is the fact that it has created an almost exact replica of the films from setting to actors. The makers of the Twilight series might also applaud this act by the directors. But that’s perhaps the only thing that you can appreciate in the movie. Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter and Christopher N. Riggi hardly do anything to make a mark for themselves in the movie other than biting squirrels and making the vampire look like a harmless creature.
Making a parody may not be as simple as the directors thought it to be. The movie didn’t seem any different from their past ones. Even parodies need to have a good screenplay which was completely missing from the movie. The audience is expected to laugh just too many times in the movie for them to actually enjoy it. Vampires Suck is surely the worst that Jason and Aaron have made in their lives.
Vampires Suck is not the kind of movie people would go with any expectations but that doesn’t give the makers the liberty to make a parody of themselves and the audience. It is a light hearted flick which fans of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer would love to see. The director duo might just have over done in some of the parodies in the past for them to hold the audience. The 80 minutes of meaningless parody seems never ending. It’s not worth buying a ticket for this vampire movie the flick truly lives up to its second name!
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